I'm 40. It's time to give up booze. I don't think I’m an alcoholic but I know that I drink too much when I’m stressed. I have had a drink on every night of every day for as long as I can remember. It got to the point where a bottle of wine wasn't enough in a night and to me it has become something that bothers me. So, as of Sunday 5th august (my first day back from holiday) I have quit the terrible booze. This is a blog of my experience. Booze Away!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

In Nice

Plane was delayed by 1 hour.

Waited for a hire car for two hours

Drove for 2 and a half hours, looked at a chateau and drove back 2 and a half hours. Finally ate at 21.55 p.m. Long day. Vineyards all over the place and I will not be tasting a lovely drop.

Never mind. I feel good for it though.

Monday, August 20, 2007

To Nice!

i am off to Nice, France tomorrow on a business trip with a couple of guys I don't know very well. One is a customer and the other is a potential customer.

Hope it doesn't come across wierd that I don't drink anything. They seem nice enough blokes.

Will miss the family a lot.

Tried a jog last night after being sick and it was really hard going. If you miss a few days, you can easily lose the motivation but I think it was just the sickness wearing off. All back to normal now though.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Update

So far, so good. I have been sick with some kind of virus the last two days so having anything alcoholic was the furthest thing from my mind anyway. I had mentioned to the kids that I don't like the taste of beer anymore. My youngest daughter decided to tell the adults at kindergarten that 'Daddy doesn't drink beer anymore.' A little embarrasing. I have been rereading the Seven Habits by Stephen Covey and will write more on that later. Coming up to 2 weeks this Sunday and I haven't really missed the booze too much.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The first trial

Ok. I had a difficult night last night. We had friends over and sat outside in our buildings playground with the kids, grilling and chatting. It was really nice and I didn't feel like a beer. However, later, around 22.30, when the kids had gone to bed and Mrs X (after a hard day) had also retired, I really felt a pang for a drink. I looked in the fridge and there was a bottle of wine and the remains of a 6 pack from our friends visit. I was seriously drawn to them.

Before, I would have had a beer then probably opened the wine, switched on the computer and played Warcraft until 2.00 a.m. but this time I didn't. I was almost bored. I do get bored with t.v. anyway. I'd rather surf the net or do something else. It was also too late to go for a run. For about 15 minutes, I really wanted a beer. I tend to talk to myself in these situations and I believe the good side of my head won out with phrases like 'Don't be a twat', winning the day. The craving passed and, luckily for me, there was an old rerun of Seinfeld on TV which took me up to midnight when I went to bed.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

After a week

It's been a week now and there have been a couple of times during the week when a beer would have been great but that was probably because it was 30 degrees outside and humid as hell.

I was going out with a friend to the cinema on Thursday and we had talked about beers and a movie but obviously that had changed. During the day I had almost persuaded myself that it would be alright to have a beer when I am out socially and just not at home. I thought hard again and decided that I wouldn't divert with my plan after all. I was, however, really embarrassed and a little nervous about telling my friend about this new part of my life. Also, about the part that I had a drink every night for...well, I can't remember when I didn't. He was surprised but really understanding and, whether from sympathy or politeness, didn't drink a beer either. Instead we chatted over organic lattes. Normally, I would have taken a bus or ridden my bike to the meeting and had a good 4 or 5 beers before the film. I would also have come home afterwards, fixed myself an enormous sandwich and drank a large glass of wine, before falling asleep in front of the TV on the sofa. It felt really good not to do this.

I know, actually that I will have some encounters in a social aspect where people don't understand why I have done this and this is almost as hard to deal with as not drinking!

My running has gone really well this week and already I have managed to extend my distance. I am running about 8 km in an hour. Since I have stopped drinking it seems that the hardest thing to do was talk to Mrs X about it. Now I have done it,it seems like the best decision I have ever taken. I hope I can continue when I reach a point of real stress again. I really hope so.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Am I the only one?

I don't think I am the only one with this kind of problem. I would hate to say that I was an alcoholic as that has such far reaching implications. The recommended number of units for a man is 21 and I wasn't far off that. Generally, I would drink a couple of large glasses of wine a night. Every night. 3 or 4 on a Friday or Saturday night. So this is close to the recommended maximum. I have never woken up in the morning and thought 'God, I need a drink'. Sometimes I really feel like a beer but I think it is because I am dehydrated and really need a big glass of water.

I remember when I was a kid My parents used to come home after a day at work and, in a stressed flourish, head to the drinks cabinet (yes we had one dedicated to alcohol) rustling up a gin & tonic. This would happen every day.

I started going out and drinking when I was 14 or 15. I was quite tall and the shops were really lax about i.d. so we used to buy beers there. I remember that I liked dry martini because it was so cheap. I used to go the pub at 15 and to nightclubs in town. My parents knew this but didn't seem to mind. Drinking was a wholly accepted part of my growing up. When I went out with friends I would get drunk and so would they. Drugs were never a part of my life and I was always a little afraid to try them for fear of becoming addicted. Booze was the answer. I never drank during the week but at the weekend, at parties and down the pub, we would go crazy. The minimum age was 18 but we always got served at the local. When I was 14 I went to a nightclub in my home town on New Years Eve with my sister and girlfriend. I dressed up as some ghoul or something and actually won a years membership. after that I could just go to the nightclub every Saturday night.

What I meant to write by this, was when does booze become a problem? Is there a line? I think I have an addictive personality. I have spent a portion of my life giving up things that I have been addicted to. Fruit machines, smoking, computer games and in some way, booze! Sometimes I have a hard time focusing on the present, real life just because it is giving me a hard time. Booze gave me the perfect opportunity to procrastinate.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

The first few days

Actually, it was from Sunday that I had decided to give up and haven't actually had any withdrawal symptoms so i find that very encouraging. On Monday I went for a long run then basically did the same on Tuesday and Wednesday. An hour of jogging gets me so tired that I can just go to bed at midnight and sleep. I have always been a restless sleeper.

Midnight may seem late but another thing that I gave up was playing on the computer til all hours. Nearly every evening would follow a specific pattern. We would get the kids in bed. Mrs X would be watching TV. I would crack open a nice bottle of wine and start playing Warcraft...and continue and continue. Afte Mrs X had gone to bed around 22.30, I would continue drinking my bottle of wine, until around 2.00 a.m. If I finished the bottle I would be really thirsty so I would have a can or 2 of beer. During this time I would also get hungry as alcohol always makes me starving. So i would have a sandwich at midnight or eat some chocolate or....well the list goes on.

The next day I would have to get up at 06.15 to get the kids up. What an idiot! My head would be dead for an hour. I could hardly manage to get the kids breakfast or mumble to them. I think I was like a ghost or a zombie.

One really strange effect was that I would arrive at the office and think back over the last hour and actually half-forget if I had dropped the kids off at kindergarten and school. It was very bizarre.

On Thursday, I logged onto Warcraft for the last time and closed my account. What a relief. It's like this big weight has lifted from my shoulders. Warcraft is the most amazing experience and so well made that it's addictivity has been likened to that of hard drugs. There is always just one last thing to find, one last level to reach and one more quest to complete. To play it you need to be logged on for at least 3 hours at a time.

When I have been drinking, I have lost time, selfrespect and control over my life. Seems a good reason to stop.