Still off the booze

Now it's November and the need for a drink has pretty much gone alhtough some situations are still difficult socially. Like peoples surprise and reaction but I take that as encourangement. I did get invited to a winetasters dinner by a friend who then realised it wasn't the best thing to invite me too and we agreed I probably wouldn't be the best company.

3 months without a drink has had an unbelievable impact on my worklife. I think it is down to being more motivated and definitely less procrastination on a daily basis.

My next post is about Warcraft. Something I have wanted to write about for a while

Busy, busy

I have been crazily busy at work since I stopped drinking. Stopping the bottles of wine and the beers has really been the best thing I have ever done. I didn't really realise how it kills your energy and your motivation. It doesn't let you see things as they are. Those temporary, rose-tinted glasses I wore when I drank gave me such a positive, temporary outlook but also turned me into the biggest procrastinator in the world. Nothing was too important that it couldn't be left until tomorrow. Now I make offers for work when I say I will, I call people back when I should, reply to emails pretty well. The more I do this, the busier I get. I call customers just to see how they are which is more of a surprise to them than me.

My company has attracted potential investors who are negotiating with me at the moment. Phew! I can't keep up.

The down side is that I am so busy that I find it difficult to concentrate on other things (like family life) I have yet to strike the right balance. One potential lead would mean I have to go to France for a few days. Another company that will develop my new web presence is based in Cairo which means that I have to go there for a few meetings. Mrs X is understandably worried that my time with the family is going to be reduced. I will have to cross that bridge when it appears.

Back to booze. I have been a bit slack on the running but still manage a 10K jog mostly twice a week. I feel much more confident now I have lost that bloody great chunk of fat around my middle. I have a theory why men put on weight without really realising it. They first put it on, around their lower back (love handles) When these fat storage areas are full, it then goes on to the stomach. Then it's one big surprise and takes ages to get off.

I don't feel like having a drink at all although sometimes a big glass of wine will creep into my subconscious as a 'Oh, that would be nice.' I am getting bored drinking water though and am thinking about buying a good juicer. I don't drink any sodas and we have cut out all forms of squash in the house. The kids haven't really noticed. We all just drink water. I do keep having flashbacks to hangovers I have had, parties I have been to and I start to be quite satisfied that drinking is a young mans game. When you're young it can be funny, even cute to be a bit tipsy and have that extra edge of confidence. When you're older, it becomes the sad old man syndrome.

2 Months Gone

Well it has been about 2 months since I came back from the summer holiday and promised not to drink again. I have done it but it has been hard in some ways and satisfying in others. Here's how I did it. I decided back in April or May that I would do it and then started to think about how to do it. Cold Turkey or cut down? I cannot just cut down things, I have to give them up so option 1 was only ever going to´be the way to go. After my 40th birthday I nearly did it but didn't have the will power, got stressed at work and the next thing I knew i was up late playing Warcraft and having a bottle of lovely wine.

When I came back from holiday, I had had the chance to relax and really reflect on things, spend so much tome with the kids and relax. This was a perfect opportunity, which I wouldn't see again for a year, if I missed that window. When I came back, I stopped.

I don't believe that just stopping drinking would have worked for long. For me, if I have to give something up; I have to change my lifestyle. I was also overweight from my sedentary evenings, booze drinking and lack of exercise. Also, I was seriously lacking motivation at work and when you have your own business, this is the worst situation to be in. When you are behind with bills, you just cannot..cannot..go into a hole and hope something will turn up. (believe me). The only way to get out of trouble is to go out there and get more business.

So i attacked my lifestyle/drinking on 3 levels.

1) I stopped drinking completely. My advice here is not to do this in secret which is what I tried to do to start with because you always have that option to start again and no-one will be any the wiser. Tell your family/spouse and close friends.

2) I started running. Not so far at first but at least 3 times a week. Building up distance and time every week.

3) I revisited Stephen Coveys, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The best lessons here that I revisit all of the time are, 1) Be proactive, First things First and Begin with the End in mind. I also made the quadrant to see where I was devoting my time. I can't do the book justice here but i i highly recommend it. I got proactive in my work. I made a massive list of all the things I had been procrastinating about, people i should have called back and projects I should have started.

I have become incredibly busy at work in a positive way, almost too busy for one person.
I have lost 10 kilos. My BMI has gone from 28.6 down to 25.
I have stopped drinking permanently because the good outways the bad by 100 times.

There have been negatives.

It's difficult to be the same person you were before you stopped drinking. I mean on a personal level with your spouse. Booze makes you say more, relax more and maybe be kinder because booze make you nostalgic and loving in a kind of fuzzy drunk way.

I have missed booze. I have missed it when I need to relax after work and haven't had the chance to go for a run. Generally though, my sleep has got better and I can get to sleep more easily even if I am stressed.

I hope I can keep this up because it has given my the opportunity to be the person I want to be and not a shadow of that person.

Annoying Mrs X

My new found energy level is a bit annoying to my better half.

Our alarm will normally go off at 6.15 a.m. where we get up and get the kids up. For some reason, I wake up at 6.00 a.m. Don't know why. I just want to get up and start making packed lunches, coffee and breakfast. Mrs X does not like to be woken before the designated time.

I like to get up early at the weekend and take the kids swimming too. If you get there early you miss the crowds. Again this is slightly annoying to Mrs X as she likes a good lie in. To be fair, I don't mind taking them on my own.

A Party

We went to a party on Saturday without the kids which would normally be a chance to get a bit tipsy and smooch a bit. The party was good and I spoke to a few friends about not drinking any more. I think peoples reactions are actually based on how they see themselves. Some people, I really believe, get a little bit defensive too. They take the fact that I have given up drinking and my reasons for it as an actual attack on their own habits.

Other people are very understanding. It's difficult to enjoy a party in the same way when everyone is getting drunk and you are not. Dancing is particularly difficult to start as the lack of Dutch Courage makes you feel a bit of a plonker. I did dance however and didn't do too bad.

I really enjoy waking up with a clear head the next day. That, on its own is a great blessing.

How Long Now

It has been 5 weeks since I had my last drink and I here's a check to see how I actually am after this time.

Most of the time I have been feeling positive about it. I feel good about how I feel now and how my exercise routine is actually affecting me positively.

I run 3 or 4 times a week for a 9 km circuit. When i get home from this, I sleep like a log. If I don't run, I do have problems getting off to sleep but I think this is because I leave it too late sometimes and get over tired. Before, a bottle of wine and a couple of beers could guarantee that I get to sleep in a muddled, deep, snoring, sodden slumber.

I don't snore anymore. I have lost 8 kilos in 5 weeks. I can fit shirts that I haven't worn for ages. Health wise I am doing well and on track.

Personally, I am finding it difficult to be the new me. I am very focused inwardly and at work but seem distant at home. I have to start tiring to address this balance. This hasn't been helped by the fact that I have been 10 times more proactive at work and thereby 10 times busier. So I have been running 3 nights and working the other 2. Mrs X is understandably a little frustrated and we aren't communicating effectively. Although I am planning in my calender to spend a couple of nights a week with no TV, computer and playing games, chatting instead, this hasn't happened.

Not to mention that my hearing is really bad in my right ear so I am probably going to have to wear a damn hearing aid.

Life goes on in a booze free way. This is just the first few weeks.

Social Pressure and incomprehension

I am encountering a lot of this at the moment. I am not sure if it is because of how people see me or how they see drinking as a whole. Whilst in the South of France we were sitting in Cannes having dinner watching the rich and the beautiful drifting past, I told a friend that I didn't drink anymore. He said, 'So when are you going to start again?' He assumed that I had just taken a temporary abstinence. When I said never. he said I was a twat and of course I would start again. I said he should go and give that supportive speech to the AA meetings!

Another friend I went out with last night just thought it was strange and a bit sad that we couldn't drink beers together anymore. He actually didn't drink as much as we would have done normally. Maybe in sympathy.

In Nice

Plane was delayed by 1 hour.

Waited for a hire car for two hours

Drove for 2 and a half hours, looked at a chateau and drove back 2 and a half hours. Finally ate at 21.55 p.m. Long day. Vineyards all over the place and I will not be tasting a lovely drop.

Never mind. I feel good for it though.

To Nice!

i am off to Nice, France tomorrow on a business trip with a couple of guys I don't know very well. One is a customer and the other is a potential customer.

Hope it doesn't come across wierd that I don't drink anything. They seem nice enough blokes.

Will miss the family a lot.

Tried a jog last night after being sick and it was really hard going. If you miss a few days, you can easily lose the motivation but I think it was just the sickness wearing off. All back to normal now though.

Update

So far, so good. I have been sick with some kind of virus the last two days so having anything alcoholic was the furthest thing from my mind anyway. I had mentioned to the kids that I don't like the taste of beer anymore. My youngest daughter decided to tell the adults at kindergarten that 'Daddy doesn't drink beer anymore.' A little embarrasing. I have been rereading the Seven Habits by Stephen Covey and will write more on that later. Coming up to 2 weeks this Sunday and I haven't really missed the booze too much.

The first trial

Ok. I had a difficult night last night. We had friends over and sat outside in our buildings playground with the kids, grilling and chatting. It was really nice and I didn't feel like a beer. However, later, around 22.30, when the kids had gone to bed and Mrs X (after a hard day) had also retired, I really felt a pang for a drink. I looked in the fridge and there was a bottle of wine and the remains of a 6 pack from our friends visit. I was seriously drawn to them.

Before, I would have had a beer then probably opened the wine, switched on the computer and played Warcraft until 2.00 a.m. but this time I didn't. I was almost bored. I do get bored with t.v. anyway. I'd rather surf the net or do something else. It was also too late to go for a run. For about 15 minutes, I really wanted a beer. I tend to talk to myself in these situations and I believe the good side of my head won out with phrases like 'Don't be a twat', winning the day. The craving passed and, luckily for me, there was an old rerun of Seinfeld on TV which took me up to midnight when I went to bed.

After a week

It's been a week now and there have been a couple of times during the week when a beer would have been great but that was probably because it was 30 degrees outside and humid as hell.

I was going out with a friend to the cinema on Thursday and we had talked about beers and a movie but obviously that had changed. During the day I had almost persuaded myself that it would be alright to have a beer when I am out socially and just not at home. I thought hard again and decided that I wouldn't divert with my plan after all. I was, however, really embarrassed and a little nervous about telling my friend about this new part of my life. Also, about the part that I had a drink every night for...well, I can't remember when I didn't. He was surprised but really understanding and, whether from sympathy or politeness, didn't drink a beer either. Instead we chatted over organic lattes. Normally, I would have taken a bus or ridden my bike to the meeting and had a good 4 or 5 beers before the film. I would also have come home afterwards, fixed myself an enormous sandwich and drank a large glass of wine, before falling asleep in front of the TV on the sofa. It felt really good not to do this.

I know, actually that I will have some encounters in a social aspect where people don't understand why I have done this and this is almost as hard to deal with as not drinking!

My running has gone really well this week and already I have managed to extend my distance. I am running about 8 km in an hour. Since I have stopped drinking it seems that the hardest thing to do was talk to Mrs X about it. Now I have done it,it seems like the best decision I have ever taken. I hope I can continue when I reach a point of real stress again. I really hope so.

Am I the only one?

I don't think I am the only one with this kind of problem. I would hate to say that I was an alcoholic as that has such far reaching implications. The recommended number of units for a man is 21 and I wasn't far off that. Generally, I would drink a couple of large glasses of wine a night. Every night. 3 or 4 on a Friday or Saturday night. So this is close to the recommended maximum. I have never woken up in the morning and thought 'God, I need a drink'. Sometimes I really feel like a beer but I think it is because I am dehydrated and really need a big glass of water.

I remember when I was a kid My parents used to come home after a day at work and, in a stressed flourish, head to the drinks cabinet (yes we had one dedicated to alcohol) rustling up a gin & tonic. This would happen every day.

I started going out and drinking when I was 14 or 15. I was quite tall and the shops were really lax about i.d. so we used to buy beers there. I remember that I liked dry martini because it was so cheap. I used to go the pub at 15 and to nightclubs in town. My parents knew this but didn't seem to mind. Drinking was a wholly accepted part of my growing up. When I went out with friends I would get drunk and so would they. Drugs were never a part of my life and I was always a little afraid to try them for fear of becoming addicted. Booze was the answer. I never drank during the week but at the weekend, at parties and down the pub, we would go crazy. The minimum age was 18 but we always got served at the local. When I was 14 I went to a nightclub in my home town on New Years Eve with my sister and girlfriend. I dressed up as some ghoul or something and actually won a years membership. after that I could just go to the nightclub every Saturday night.

What I meant to write by this, was when does booze become a problem? Is there a line? I think I have an addictive personality. I have spent a portion of my life giving up things that I have been addicted to. Fruit machines, smoking, computer games and in some way, booze! Sometimes I have a hard time focusing on the present, real life just because it is giving me a hard time. Booze gave me the perfect opportunity to procrastinate.

The first few days

Actually, it was from Sunday that I had decided to give up and haven't actually had any withdrawal symptoms so i find that very encouraging. On Monday I went for a long run then basically did the same on Tuesday and Wednesday. An hour of jogging gets me so tired that I can just go to bed at midnight and sleep. I have always been a restless sleeper.

Midnight may seem late but another thing that I gave up was playing on the computer til all hours. Nearly every evening would follow a specific pattern. We would get the kids in bed. Mrs X would be watching TV. I would crack open a nice bottle of wine and start playing Warcraft...and continue and continue. Afte Mrs X had gone to bed around 22.30, I would continue drinking my bottle of wine, until around 2.00 a.m. If I finished the bottle I would be really thirsty so I would have a can or 2 of beer. During this time I would also get hungry as alcohol always makes me starving. So i would have a sandwich at midnight or eat some chocolate or....well the list goes on.

The next day I would have to get up at 06.15 to get the kids up. What an idiot! My head would be dead for an hour. I could hardly manage to get the kids breakfast or mumble to them. I think I was like a ghost or a zombie.

One really strange effect was that I would arrive at the office and think back over the last hour and actually half-forget if I had dropped the kids off at kindergarten and school. It was very bizarre.

On Thursday, I logged onto Warcraft for the last time and closed my account. What a relief. It's like this big weight has lifted from my shoulders. Warcraft is the most amazing experience and so well made that it's addictivity has been likened to that of hard drugs. There is always just one last thing to find, one last level to reach and one more quest to complete. To play it you need to be logged on for at least 3 hours at a time.

When I have been drinking, I have lost time, selfrespect and control over my life. Seems a good reason to stop.